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My consciousness isn't a stream you wanna play in
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| American Sports... |
[04 Feb 2007|05:22pm] |
Apparently, there's this big football game going on today.
Am I going to watch said football game?
No.
I'm going to watch Futurama and do Calculus. TAKE THAT POP CULTURE!
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| Terrorists are secretly disguising themselves as mooninites! |
[31 Jan 2007|10:37pm] |
So yeah, people are stupid.
Adam told me that apparently earlier today, Boston Subways had a bomb scare.
Now, one may ask before clicking above link and reading linked article, "why would Michael even bother writing about such stodgy events?" Well, you cheeky little bastards, he would retort,"because he is going to use it to not only illustrate utter lack of intelligence commonly displayed by the general public, but also as a chance to further another inane yet highly amusing in-joke".
( cut for the stupid )
And the LORD said, Because the cry of Boston is great, and because their sin is very grievous;
I will go down now, and see whether they have done altogether according to the cry of it, which is come unto me; and if not, I will know.
And the men turned their faces from thence, and went toward Boston: but Abraham stood yet before the LORD.
And Abraham drew near, and said, Wilt thou also destroy the Aqua Teen Hunger Force fans with the wicked?
Peradventure there be fifty Aqua Teen Hunger Force fans within the city: wilt thou also destroy and not spare the place for the fifty Aqua Teen Hunger Force fans that are therein?
That be far from thee to do after this manner, to slay the Aqua Teen Hunger Force fans with the wicked: and that the Aqua Teen Hunger Force fans should be as the wicked, that be far from thee: Shall not the Judge of all the earth be fans of Aqua Teen Hunger Force?
And the LORD said, If I find in Boston fifty Aqua Teen Hunger Force fans within the city, then I will spare all the place for their sakes.
ME: Brian! Don't watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force! Our TV will explode!
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| Bed at 2am, up since 6:45 |
[31 Jan 2007|09:07am] |
| [ |
mood |
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Stuff! |
] |
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music |
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Evanescence - Eternal |
] |
Hypersomnia can slurp my butt. I hate feeling tired. I hate having to need sleep more than normal people.
In other news, I can completely describe simple harmonic motion with the help of phi.
Also: GIANT BEANSTALK!
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| Why I love math class... |
[30 Jan 2007|08:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Dyscalculia |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Soulfly - Babylon (in my head) |
] |
Dyscalculia
Impairment of the ability to solve mathematical problems, usually resulting from brain dysfunction.
...because my math teacher is awesome. This was written on the white board next to the main chalk bored tonight. He informed us that he suspected that several of his students had dyscalculia.
ME: So what's the technical term for procrastination?
MR. LECHNER: *laughs (a lot)* I don't know what it's called, but if there were a cure for it, I'd need to take it too.
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| Sheri and I are silly... |
[29 Jan 2007|11:04pm] |
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She's going to give me a colonoscopy using a plunger covered with needles, and then stick the smelly remains in the trash can and not take it out for a week.
Then I'm going to make money by allowing fundamentalist Christians feel my colonoscopy bag, "feel my poop bag! One dollar!"
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| "The Future is Safe...Thanks to Apple..." |
[17 Jan 2007|12:08am] |
Although I've already known about its capabilities (widescreen ipod + phone with multi-touch screen, internet and email, the ability to end World hunger etc.) actually seeing it in use is...oh sweet jumping Jesus Mary and Joseph on a pogo stick...
The touch screen is like fucking Star Trek okay? You can load entire web pages on this thing. It has 4-8GB of flash memory. You can store photos from its 2MP camera, and resize them by making pinching/pulling motions on the touchscreen. IT HAS PROXIMITY AND AMBIENT LIGHT SENSORS AS WELL AS A FREAKING ACCELEROMETER TO TELL HOW YOU HAVE THE SCREEN ORIENTED* SO IT CAN UPDATE THE INTERFACE.
Pretty:
It has random access voicemail, which means when you bring up your voicemail box, it shows a list of your current voicemails, and you can select the ones you want to hear, all without having to listen through voicemails you don't want. The best part, however, is you don't have to listen to that goddamned irritating automated voicemail lady ("She's a dike I tell you!").
Very Pretty:
Apple iPhone intro...OMGWTFDOTFIERAIMOJIAFV**
(requires Quicktime, AND YOUR IMMORTAL SOUL. You know you want One--it's worth it!)
Sexiest thing ever, EVER.
*(vertical vs horizontal)
**Oh My God? What The Fuck? Die On The Floor In Ecstasy Rolling Around In My Own Joy Induced Apple Fanboy Vomit
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Removed from ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) rintheamazing During Exploratory Surgery |
[16 Jan 2007|09:22pm] |
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COMMENT HERE AND I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING THAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU. THEN GO POST IT IN YOUR LJ AND RETURN THE SENTIMENT.
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[16 Jan 2007|04:32pm] |
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I read that comment as "dancing manically in his ear" so I had to reread. Not that it would matter because between you and silent_r_infork very little of what y'all say is supposed to make sense unless you're in on the in-joke. Sometimes, not even then.
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[10 Jan 2007|11:23pm] |
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ME: So let's recap: I've been using RAID as non-dairy creamer.
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| "Ma'am, you have hippies." |
[30 Nov 2006|12:00pm] |
You are 17% hippie. You're not in the lowest bracket of non-hippie-hood, but you're close. I advise a field trip to a food co-op or a farmer's market. Do a few interviews and take notes, because there will be a quiz next week to see if you've learned anything.
Are you a hippie?
Quizzes for MySpace
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| eyE win @ grammEr! |
[30 Nov 2006|11:51am] |
Your Language Arts Grade: 100% Way to go! You know not to trust the MS Grammar Check and you know "no" from "know." Now, go forth and spread the good word (or at least, the proper use of apostrophes).
Are You Gooder at Grammar?
Make a Quiz
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[27 Nov 2006|01:35pm] |
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Brian and I have successfully circumcised a screwdriver.
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| Sexy sexy sexy sexy. |
[21 Nov 2006|01:40pm] |
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Windows sucks. I just got bombarded by God-knows what because I was google-searching for lyrics, and Norton is slowing everything down.
No, seriously.
This is what I want for Christmas.
With a 30" display and my 5 button mouse.
Two 64 bit dual core Intel Xeon processors at 3GHz. That's four 3GHz cores running at the same time. Four cableless drive bays, with up to 3 TERABITES of storage.
It has eight DIMM slots on a separate board from the motherboard. The memory runs at 667Mhz and is fully buffered ECC RAM. The RAM is so fast it needs heatsinks. Heatsinks on the freaking ram. Expandable up to 16 gigs.
It has three normal PCI express expansion slots, and a double-wide 16-lane PCI express slot.
Yeah, it can run Window$ too if I really wanted to (Must. Play. Oblivion.) But why? When I've already got This?
Yeah, it may be expensive as balls, but it's so worth it.
Okay, I'm done being a mac-geek now. Go back to your homes. There's nothing more to see...
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| One death is a tragedy, one million is a statistic... |
[20 Nov 2006|04:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Pissed off. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Smashing Pumpkins - Zero |
] |
If I hear anyone else ask me if I've heard about the goddamn bus wreak, I'm going to kill them and add them to the body count. I know I'm being insensitive, but I honestly don't care. Yeah, it sucks that people died, and I hope that their families and friends will be able to cope, and my thoughts go out to them. But aside from that, I don't really care.
Humanity's innate desire to fixate on tragedy never amazes me...
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| Lots of people have had this. It's like a virus... |
[20 Nov 2006|02:20pm] |
Uhh, you submit answers/guesses, and win absolutely nothing in return!
(2 Points) My name:
(1 Point) My last name:
(5 Points) Take a stab at my middle name:
(3 Points) Who was my first celeb-crush:
(2 Points) Do I have any children:
(2 Points) How old are they:
(3 Points) Who am I in love with:
(2 Points) Where did we meet:
(2 Points) What kind of car do I drive:
(2 Points) What work do I do:
(3 Points) What am I afraid of:
(2 Points) Do I smoke:
(3 Points) Do I drink:
(2 Points) Do I have any siblings:
(2 Points) How many:
(1 Point) Do I like 'em:
(4 Points) What's one of my favorite things to do:
(2 Points) How many piercings do I have:
(2 Points) How many tattoos do I have:
(3 Points) What's my favorite type of music:
(2 Points) What's my favorite TV show:
(2 Points) Who is my favorite band/artist:
(4 Points) Am I shy or outgoing:
(3 Points) Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules:
(2 Points) What’s my favourite colour:
(3 Points) Name something I hate:
(4 Points) Name a talent I have:
(4 Points) What kind of shoes do I wear:
(4 Points) Do I have any pets:
(2 Points) Who am I dating right now:
(5 Points) What did I study in university:
(5 Points) What is the colour of my room:
(5 Points) What is my worst habit:
(7 Points on creativeness) If I were stranded on a desert island, what would I bring:
80-85 Points; Stalker Extraordinaire!
70-79 Points; Hard-Working Stalker
40-69 Points; Decent Stalker
20-39 Points; Stalker-In-Training
00-19 Points; Crappy Stalker or New Stalker
Comments will be screened, and my answers posted later ;)
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| Look what I can do! *sexchanges* |
[15 Nov 2006|04:10pm] |
If Carrie ever gets a sex change operation, her new name will be Carl.
Also: She really dislikes the concept of being called Carl...
*awaits Caroline's wrath*
*shit-eating grin*
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| Notes from Wal-Mart after hours... |
[14 Nov 2006|02:23am] |
-Don't park near the garden section because not only will the gate be locked, so will the closest entrance, and you'll end up having to walk all the way to the other side of the building to get in.
(also: wear a jacket next time)
-Resist the urge to pick up one of the store telephones located on the pillar near house-wears, simply to page a random department to do something even more random.
-Some of the people that come here late at night can be described with one very succinct word: scary.
-I love going to Wal-Mart after hours. I do not like, however, waiting in line for more than half an hour. During that time I contemplated sawing one of my fingers off with my car key so I wouldn't have to focus on the pain of waiting (and the cold floor).
Yeah, I decided to sit down. I sat down for most of the time I waited, scooting along as the line glaciated forward. During this time I played the bowling game on my phone until the low battery warning came on. I spent the remaining time cussing at my phone.
I also listened to the teenagers behind me submit their mutual distain for the line, and talk about biscuits. I warned them not to sit on the box located behind me, because I had already attempted it, and nearly fell in. I also made several blowjob jokes. Because, well, that's what you do when talking with complete strangers.
TEENAGER: (commenting on a magazine's title articles): Fast Blowout? What does that mean? Does the makeup go away fast?
ME: Sounds like a porno title to me.
TEENAGERS: *laughter*
TEENAGER: Yeah, but look at that other magazine. That girl's lips look really weird. [no, seriously, they did. They looked horribly chapped/or made of peeling velvet drywall.]
ME: I think she's the blowout the other magazine was talking about. [she was making a blowjob face! Come on!]
TEENAGERS: *more laughter*
I also asked them if gum, two candy bars, and a poster were worth standing in line for half an hour. In short: No. No they weren't.
I also noticed people behind me buying Corona. I don't understand 1.) Why people like beer in the first place. And 2.) Why people like Corona. Seriously, does the extra surplus of uric acid and fecal coliform in Mexican beers give them some sort of wonderful zing or dizzying high that I'm not aware of? Is drinking beer made with filthy water some sort of endurance test? If not, why?
No, really: why?
Later on I noticed that the middle aged woman in front of me was buying a douche. This grossed me out until I noticed the other items she was buying: multipacks of paper towels, various types of juices, and lots of different types of soda. I put two and two together and realized that she's in for quite a night. (I also realized that I'm amused by the strangest things, and have a very sick sense of humor.)
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| Wow. |
[13 Nov 2006|11:46pm] |
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I just realized that I was making flowcharts while listening to Weird Al's White and Nerdy.
The first thing that came to mind was "I need to post this on my blog".
Yeah, I'm a geek.
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